IT’S BEEN QUIET AROUND HERE FOR A WHILE.
And by “around here” I mean on this blog. Definitely not in our house. Or in my head. And if you are a parent reading this, probably not in your house or head, either.
I don’t even need to say that there is so much going on in the world at the moment. But all the same, I’ve said it. Sometimes it helps to just say it, to acknowledge just how very much there is for our eyes and ears and hearts and minds and hopes and instincts and skills and souls to cope with now.
And that the coping is both that much easier and that much harder for those of us lucky enough to be at home with our families.
I think it’s safe to say that it’s always hard for a parent, particularly of littles, to find space – physical space, mental space, space in time — to think. To process, to plan. To breathe. To just be. Maybe there are some parents out there who don’t mind this, but I think we all feel it on some level.
IT’S A LOT.
These days that is oh-so-amplified, not just by the physical fact of so many small, squirmy bodies surrounding us with no place to go. But also by the fact of so many big issues permeating our world from the outside in and the inside out — worries about the world at large and about how those big worries unavoidably affect each and every one of our little families.
Lately I’ve found it helpful to remember what Glennon Doyle says about feelings in her latest beauty of a book, Untamed:
“Feeling all your feelings is hard, but that’s what they’re for. Feelings are for feeling.”
Glennon Doyle
It feels so liberating to roll with all the twists and turns of the emotional rollercoaster we’re on these days. For me, it means accepting that I love not rushing us all out the door before 8 am every day, but also that most days I’m wishing for headphones even before breakfast. I’m so very grateful for some green space and health and employment, even if I wish desperately that we were somewhere else in the world, closer to friends and loved ones, even if we couldn’t see them in person no matter where we are. I’m the whole package and it’s all ok.
Blogger Erica Layne wrote earlier this spring about not attaching a hierarchy to our collective struggles. My feelings are mine — I am allowed to feel whatever I feel. With reference to the brilliant Brene Brown’s writing on comparative suffering, she said:
“It makes our suffering feel HEAVIER because we can’t put a voice to our hidden struggles, which leaves us feeling not just exhausted or overwhelmed or worried—but alone too.”
Erica Layne
To me, this means keeping perspective – for sure – and remembering gratitude and compassion. But also know that feeling deep gratitude for your neighbour’s service on the front lines and total compassion for your friend’s struggles with her mother’s illness doesn’t mean you are not “allowed” to feel stressed and frustrated after yet another day filled with stir-crazy littles, worry about the future and wonder about how to do the next right thing.
What I do, and even what I think, is within my control of course — but I am allowed to feel whatever I feel.
So liberating.
All this is to say that it’s been quiet here on this blog as I’ve taken space and time to think and to feel and to try to find my way in this wobbly new world. And by “taken,” I mean stolen moments while cooking (again), wide-eyed nights, groggy too-early mornings, laundry-folding philosophizing, dishwashing meditations, attempting exercise (actually, attempting pretty much everything) whilst dodging small squirmy bodies…
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IT’S A NEW KIND OF LIFE FOR ALL OF US.
But somehow, amongst it all, I’ve found that I’ve got quite a lot I want to say.
I know I’m certainly not the only one with something to say these days. But I have a renewed energy to add my voice to the chorus because I feel it is so very, very POWERFUL to be a parent these days.
We are raising the next generation — it’s a cliche because it’s true — and our actions now, today, are shaping the kind of generation it will be. Our “new normal” will require the kind of effort, and the kind of strength, that require the kind of solid character that starts in childhood.
THERE IS A LOT TO TALK ABOUT.
And it’s not just the bigger, obvious, unquestionably important issues that are on my mind as a parent. For the little people in our lives, it’s the little things, day in and day out, that make up the childhood that builds the character, skills and perspective they will need as their lives grow bigger.
In the next few posts here are some of the little-big things I want to talk about:
- The everyday things we are doing in our family to encourage tolerance and inclusivity of all kinds.
- How we plan to “save” our summer so we come out on the other side feeling positive and ready to try again.
- The importance of rhythms and rituals – marking moments, celebrating milestones, making memories – in the context of “this time” of blurred days, weeks, months, and seasons.
- What our family has learned from witnessing our kids’ formal education close up, and how we plan to use this when back-to-school time comes around again.
- A new perspective on our family’s word of the year, “choose.”
- Self-care with substance: it’s fundamental, not frivolous — and it’s not necessarily what I thought it was.
See you soon.